“Were you the crab?” asked the president as I stacked my poker chips
I have to admit, work was a little less cheery today knowing that there was no tiny crab behind the jiffy mailers in my office.
Friday, after the 16th floor crab hijinks, I wrapped him up in a snowman gift bag and whitney rounded me up for the conference room throw-down that is the sales dept gift swap. I gently placed him on the table amongst the other gifts, 60% of which would turn out to be Starbucks cards. They started the exchange, which was extremely loud and competitive and, interestingly, totally anonymous. Which is to say, after someone opened a gift, no one ever demanded to know who had brought it. This works out well if you were the person who brought (a) a coffee mug that said DIVA (b) socks or (c) vibrating soap, all of which made appearances before the crab did. Instead of laughing at all of that, I stood next to whitney and hyperventilated every time someone went near the crab bag.
Finally, someone took him. As they lifted the cage out of the bag I realized that the crab had done his favorite trick and buried himself, making it look like someone had put a box of dirt in the office grab bag (still better than vibrating soap, fyi). Lots of people stared blankly and I almost panicked until Whitney and work-friend Kate, who was in on the ruse, started to cough loudly and make suggestions.
Whitney: That looks like it MIGHT BE A HERMIT CRAB.
Kate: Is that A HERMIT CRAB in there?
And so it was. And the sales department rejoiced. Someone swiped the crab within 2 rounds– a girl who promptly declared that she was “going to eat him.” Looks like we won’t be making good on PetCo’s 15 day, dead or alive refund offer. I made it out of the holiday party (a) sans crab and (b) with a copy of Spaceballs on DVD. Who’s the big winner? This girl.
Skipped off to the other building with Whitney to pick up the rest of the crew and roll on to the open bar. And we’re an hour and a half into said openness of bar (ie, there long enough to cause permanent brain damage) when I see my boss, who had missed the in-office part of the office party.
Cristin: Guess WHAT! Your ASSISTANT put a HERMIT CRAB in the GRAB BAG TODAY!!
Boss: ……
Just kidding, she was way more excited than that. News of the crab had already made it back to her, she just didn’t know who to pin it on yet. But she must have told someone, because an hour later, when I was sitting at one of the poker tables, getting hosed at Texas Hold ‘Em by a man wearing many, many gold chains, our president of sales pointed at me and went “Were you the crab??” Yeah, baby. You bet I was. Now let me feed this crippling gambling addiction.
Still tk: Anna and Jordan clean up at poker and eventually get us bounced from the gambling room for winning too much; we get locked out of the “club” room; I procure a referee’s whistle, much to the dismay of those around me; I tell my long standing office girl crush that I am, in fact, in love with her; I get yelled at by security because emily and anna thought it was a good idea to cage dance in the sports themed room; Jordan does the robot.
Comment from Larissa
Time December 19, 2005 at 10:11 pm
you are nuts! and I LOVE it!!