consider the source
22 August 2007I am not the best person at gracefully accepting the advice of others.
…and then the breakup crap hit the fan and something about that apparently invites constant commentary from everyone in your life. Not that I’m not welcoming it– I will use anything helpful you can give me. I swear. But I will also chuckle quietly to myself at some of the things people are saying to me. The following is a list of exact statements I’ve heard over the last two weeks, with one piece of advice of my own to myself mixed in. Two are my mom’s, one from each of my two brothers, one from my dad, and the rest from my friends. See if you can match them up:
*Everything is a learning process.
*I think you should do a triathlon.
* <<plays “Since U Been Gone” on acoustic guitar>>
*If you want to spend all day drinking skim milk and listening to Damien Rice, that is perfectly okay.
*If you feel yourself getting depressed, you should consider going off birth control.
*Now you can go crazy and be all “Waiting to Exhale” all over the place!
*Start binge eating.
*And as I run through these things in my mind, I get flashbacks to that episode of Friends when Chandler tries to quit smoking, and he listens to those inspirational tapes as he goes to bed … “You’re a strong, confident woman …” and I think, God, why I can’t I be better at this?
*Let’s consider what the Buddhists say in times like these.
*The last time this happened, you told me that the next time it happened I was in charge of reminding you that this isn’t the last boy who will be in love with you. So: This isn’t the last boy who will be in love with you. Feel better?
*I just heard “a fine, fine line” off the Avenue Q soundtrack and I think you should go download it.
*Have you picked a mantra yet? Can I suggest “muskrat?”
*Luckily, awesome people never stop being awesome. And you are awesome.
*Getting married knocks you out of contention for Miss America, so it’s a good thing you dodged that bullet.
*Hey, Facebook told me about your breakup. Just know that within a week or two you’ll have a day where you finally wake up and don’t think about it. I totally live for that day. It’s usually the day I start sleeping around again.
6 Responses to “consider the source”
August 22nd, 2007 at 12:40 pm
i really hope that the last one there is your advice to yourself. i live for the day i learn about major events in my own life on the internet. oh to not have to experience them live!
August 22nd, 2007 at 2:10 pm
I can identify the ones from your brothers pretty easily. And I’m pretty sure the one involving Chandler was you.
So last night Team Puppy Revenge was finally victorious. I think it had to do with the awesome sketches of puppies tormenting Michael Vick that were all over our answer sheets. Also my roommate’s frightening ability to identify photos of serial killers, pornographers, and British prime ministers.
August 23rd, 2007 at 7:50 am
Actually, my advice was the one involving having little else than skim milk at every meal for about two weeks, which has been working out nicely
My brothers’ are the Since U Been Gone and the “this is not the last boy…” ones.
August 23rd, 2007 at 11:50 am
Really? I would have guessed Bud was suggesting triathlons. Because nothing repairs my emotional pain like wheezing and leg cramps.
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Oh, that was my mom. So it’s still in the gene pool.
September 1st, 2007 at 11:36 pm
Damn, I was sure you thought of the one about Miss America – because it’s sarcastic and smart and funny, and you are sarcastic and smart and funny. I got PJ doing the guitar song right… is your dad the Buddhist quote guy?