Day 3: New Mexico
27 June 2008The number one question my mom and I have asked each other this week is “What time is it?” followed closely by “What day is it?” We never have any idea. I have been confused by the idea of time zones my entirely life (when you cross from one to another, where does that hour go? Is there a shadow version of me still in the other time zone who gets to do something amazing with that hour? Is it like Brigadoon, with hundreds of people trapped in that hour just living their lives, unbeknownst to the rest of us?) and driving through four of them in a week has really messed me up. Before it messed me up, though, I had to come to the shocking realization that there are, in fact, four time zones, when I thought there were only three. I thought Central/ Mountain time was one time zone, which I blame squarely on basic network programming and their “9 pm eastern, 10 pm central/ mountain” time stamping. On the morning that we were in New Mexico I walked into a gas station thinking it was 10:30 (and also thinking that I wouldn’t be offered the chance to buy a bumper sticker that says “We didn’t cross the border- the border crossed US” so I was already wrong on one count) when I saw a clock behind the counter and went “Is it really 9:30??” to the clerk in a voice that would have been more suited to “Is it finally Christmas?? Did SANTA come??” I have no concept of time. Most disturbingly, our GPS system isn’t updating itself as we drive along the way my cell phone has been. Our GPS still thinks that we are in new jersey, which is possibly the worst thing your GPS can think when you’re in new mexico.
All the same, we would have been completely screwed without this GPS system. We have a massive book of maps as a backup and we use that for stuff like “Hey, how close is the Hoover Dam to Vegas?” but we use the GPS for everything else, including getting from the parking lot of a gas station back onto the highway that we exited all of 3 minutes prior. I downloaded the Mr T voice for the GPS but haven’t been able to upload it to the actual device yet, which means that we are currently being guided by American Woman- Mandy. Mandy has never steered us wrong, and yet she is the constant target of our rage. The best part of having her is that my mom abuses Mandy in a way she would never dream of doing to an actual human being. At one point I missed a turn and Mandy suggested that I “turn around as soon as possible.” My mom’s head whipped around– “What did that bitch just say to you??” she demanded, as though I had just been called fat in the middle of the cafeteria by an evil 7th grader. I also think that being enormously mean to Mandy is our way of avoiding being a little mean to one another, as would be extremely easy to do when you are trapped in a Prius for two weeks and constantly confused as to what time it is. Instead of my mom pointing out that I refuse to take anyone else’s opinon into account when I make major decisions or asking me to stop pointing all of the AC vents away from me and, in turn, directly at her face, she says to Mandy “Like you have any idea what you’re talking about” when Mandy tells us to stay in the left lane. Instead of asking why it is that all of my personal belongings are contained into two areas- my suitcase and my backpack- while all of my mom’s personal belongings are contained to one area– the entire car, including the full span of the backseat and all of the car door pockets and sun visors and the glove compartment– I instead tell Mandy “No one will ever want to marry you if you use that snotty tone of voice all the time.” It is much easier, and even more satisfying, to be enormously mean to a mechanical device than it is to be terse to an immediate relative.
So. We went to New Mexico. I had two priorities for this state– see Sorority Sister Elisabeth and going to Santa Fe so I could sing the song from Newsies. And we accomplished both!
I haven’t seen Elisabeth since… Nifer’s wedding right after college? Maybe? And in that time she’s gotten married, gotten a masters’ degree, and produced a truly adorable and lovely baby. (Let’s not get into what I’ve done in that span of time, which mostly involves a mr potato head collection). I am madly in love with Charlotte, E’s little girl, and my mom immediately launched into Grandma mode while around her. I feel like this must be some kind of Darwin thing– all grandmas react the same to all babies, so that if they come across one in the wild that needs help, they’ll take it in and give it ice cream and make it wear ridiculous clothes. Elisabeth was also a fantastic ABQ tour guide and, over the course of one car ride, explained basically everything there was to know about the founding of the city and the current socioeconomic practicalities it faces. And it was awesome.
Afterwards mom and I drove about an hour north to Santa Fe so I could channel Christian Bale. It was a little rainy and I was a little cranky (read: a lot cranky) but we still got to see a lot and had a lot of fun. My favorite parts were all the casual intersections of religion and commerce, like the chapel that charged admission and boasted that it had been featured on Unsolved Mysteries.
Oh, and the name Miraculous Staircase is trademarked, so you’ll have to think of another name for your debut Christian Rock album. Inside the chapel a recording plays on a loop explaining how the sisters needed a way to get to the second floor of this chapel, which was too narrow for a conventional staircase, when an unnamed carpenter showed up on the last day of their novena and built the staircase for them. (Mom explains to me that a novena is a weird thing that Catholics do over a series of days that involves doing specific prayers to target a certain intention. I make a mental note to keep this in mind when I start looking for an apartment in two weeks). Some of the sisters believe that the carpenter may have been… wait for it… Saint Joseph HIMSELF. (That’s Jesus’ foster dad, for you heathens out there).
I have entirely too much fun at this chapel gift shop. I feel bad for those of you that I really love, because that affection was reflected in me buying things like postcards of the staircase that come with 3D glasses attached so you can experience it just as I did, teeny tiny clay figurines of Jesus. What can I say, I’m a sucker for any store that offers free holy water and to-scale models that include tiny fake nuns.
After Santa Fe, we headed out of New Mexico and into Arizona, where they don’t recognize daylight savings time and I got even more messed up about what hour of the day it was.
5 Responses to “Day 3: New Mexico”
June 27th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
1. I don’t see what’s so miraculous about that staircase. Do you not get dizzy if you run down it really fast?
2. Free holy water? That’s awesome.
June 27th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
I should have mentioned the miracle part– it’s built without any center supports. And they added those banisters recently, before that it was just kind of a ramp. A nun ramp, if you will.
June 28th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
I’ve been to that staircase, with my mom! I wonder if that’s a Thing. Also, didn’t they say there were no nails in it, either?
June 28th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Crap, you’re right! That’s insane. I guess it’s more decorous than a nun fireman pole.
June 28th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
So good carpentry passes for a miracle these days? If that’s the case, you should see the Mysterious Miracle DVD Case my dad made for me.