Secret Shame
25 July 2008I love this idea, especially for publishing folk that snottily pride themselves on having read everything– what’s the most embarrassing book you’ve never read? It’s probably something you refer to all the time, silently hoping that no one will ever ask you for plot details. I have two. Ready? Deep Breath:
The Great Gatsby.Clearly this is a failing of the nj public school system. I tried to remedy it on my own one summer in college and couldn’t get past the first 10 pages. Am convinced that this book is actually bad and everyone is just lying and saying they love it, emperor’s new clothes- style.
A Tree Grows In Brooklyn.I know. I know. This is probably why the Brooklyn gods haven’t offered up an apartment for Jen and I to live in yet. (Yes, we are still looking. With every passing day where someone goes “How’s the apartment search going?” I become more aware that any search, by nature of it still being a search, is not going well. Think about it. Jobs, apartments, sexual partners, obscure precious moments figurines–if you are still searching, the search is going poorly. Choose your wording more carefully). I own two copies of this book because I want to be able to look like I’ve read it. Thinking about this now makes me want to vow to read it this weekend, but do I really need to own a third one? (What are these “libraries” of which you speak?). As soon as I do, though, I’m sure we’ll find a magical apartment. It’s like buying the saint statue in your backyard when you’re trying to sell your house– if you’re trying to move to brooklyn, you should read this book and listen to nothing but clap your hands and say yeah for an entire day. I’ll get right on that.
11 Responses to “Secret Shame”
July 25th, 2008 at 8:50 am
I read The Great Gatsby for the first time a couple months ago. It was great! It’s extremely short too, so suck it up.
I don’t know anything about A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, but your problems with people asking how a search is going reminds me of that phrase “It’s always in the last place you look!” which drives me crazy because if you find something in anything other than the last place you look, then you’re a Class A Moron.
July 25th, 2008 at 9:25 am
I’ve always been sort of ashamed I never read Ulysses, but that’s only around pretentious people and so doesn’t really count.
I’ve never seen Goonies. (Not a book.)
July 25th, 2008 at 10:52 am
I second Kyle’s approval of Gatsby. It was one of the few books they made us read in 11th grade that I actually enjoyed. And I do remember it being pretty short. I had to read a bunch of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s short stories in college as well, and those are also excellent (Babylon Revisited especially).
Mags, don’t worry because I’ve seen Goonies 800 times to balance you out.
July 25th, 2008 at 10:59 am
I’ve read Franny & Zooey at least 4 times. That equals one gatsby reading, right?
Maggie… it’s like I don’t even KNOW you.
July 25th, 2008 at 11:29 am
I used to be more embarrassed about the stuff I hadn’t read, but in the last few years I checked a few off my list (Lolita; A Tree Grows in Brooklyn; Rabbit, Run), but I haven’t read the two Big Steinbecks - The Grapes of Wrath or Of Mice and Men. The shame!
And Catch-22 made me want to claw my eyeballs out. I didn’t make it past page 50.
July 25th, 2008 at 11:43 am
both of those books are excellent. i usually spend my time being embarrassed by the books that i have read rather than those i have not. i mean, every time i get sick i reread all of the flowers in the attic books. i am much more ashamed of that than the fact that i never finished anna karenina. or was even assigned any hemingway. how is that possible? down with dead white males!
July 25th, 2008 at 11:44 am
*wasn’t even assigned any hemingway.
July 25th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I read Gatsby in high school and remember thinking it kind of sucked. So, I read it again last summer. Still sucked. Stickles, you can be shame free on this one. Although, I had the same general reaction to Catcher in the Rye and Lord of the Flies. What? Don’t judge.
Taking Maggie’s cue, I’ve never seen Pulp Fiction. I’ve discovered that makes a social leper.
July 26th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
I’m not particularly ashamed of the many, many literary classics I’ve never read, but at my Old Job I often got picked on for not having seen loads of classic films, like Metropolis and most Kubrick and basically everything David Lean ever made. I did work on my Scorsese problem quite diligently over those three years.
July 30th, 2008 at 8:36 am
Hmmm. I never read the last act of MacBeth. It was the end of senior year and I said ‘eff it.
I got to your blog from Zander’s. I appreciate your writing style!
September 5th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
I’m always catching up on your blog way too late. Wish you were on my frickin’ livejournal feed.
1) If you haven’t already, read Gatsby, I doubt you’ll regret it. I always liked the line about personality being “an unbroken series of successful gestures.” My shameful unreads are long, likeUlysses, Moby Dick, Of Human Bondage … nothing short enough that I’m willing to tackle.
That said, HATED Fitzgerald’s This Side of Paradise. I remember reading it freshman year of high school on a teacher’s recommendation, Ugh.
2) I loved my bookfair copy of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn so hard it started to disintegrate, so I’ve since bought more copies but that tattered, Scotch-taped pile of paper was one of the 10 books I allowed myself to bring to college (when you’re moving cross-country, you have to limit yourself).
I dunno if I’d love it the same way as I did when I was 12, but it’s full of those great Homecoming-like details about how many nickels Francie has left and how you get money by selling rags. The fact that now I’m probably older than her parents scares the crap out of me.
Oh man, I think I have to go read it again now.