Smell of wine and cheap perfume

Archive for 'Trees and other things that grow in Brooklyn' Category

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Nerd Oscars

19 January 2010

I have a finite number of goals that I need to accomplish in children’s publishing before I can retire and rededicate my life to something like working as a professional assassin or finding a grant that will support me while I break the world record for Most Hours Logged In Excel. One of those goals [...]

I broke a rib by coughing too much

10 November 2009

Did you have any idea that was, like, a thing you could do? That breaking your own rib using internal force was even humanly possible? I knew ahead of time, but only because I’m friends with Katie, she of The Most Delicate Immune System Ever Invented, who managed to break one of her own ribs [...]

footloose and bug free

19 October 2009

I can’t even explain to you how beautiful my life is post-Successful Visit By Exterminators Who Are Qualified For Their Jobs. Everything looks different to me now. Coming home to that apartment and not getting inhaled by evil bugs was like that scene in The Giver where the kid sees the color red for the [...]

Thanks for ruining my metaphor, compact fluorescent lighting technology

5 October 2009

 Good news, someone is maybe/ probably coming tomorrow to rid my apartment of everything that’s been living there that isn’t me or my turtles. It’s been a long and interesting tango with the bedbugs and I will not be sorry to see them go. Particularly since, as bedbugs are drawn out of hiding by your [...]

Good night, sleep tight…

17 August 2009

I have a friend who cites the transit strike as a main turning point in her relationship with her now-husband. I bet a lot of new yorkers have similar stories. She was living in Manhattan and he was living in Brooklyn and as the transit strike was looming a few days before Christmas in whatever-that-year-was (‘05?), [...]

Best of the outbox

21 July 2009

To: Cristin’s Boss
From: Cristin
Subject: Thursday AM (this will be the best email you get all week)
—————
So, I have bedbugs. It’s the most effing disgusting thing in the world. I am insanely meticulous about cleaning my apartment and extremely picky about who gets to sleep in my bed, but apparently that was all for naught because [...]

Life is a highway: 2009 edition

6 July 2009

Hello, friends. I have been away from you far too long. I blame the two-headed monster of Paying Attention To My Job While I’m At Work and Paying Attention To My DVR While I’m At Home. Seriously, have you guys been watching 16 and Pregnant on MTV? Never have I felt so many of my [...]

context-free

6 May 2009

Cristin: I’m still mad at you for not letting me order buffalo wings to the bridal suite on the morning of your wedding.
Erin: I’m still mad at myself for that, too.
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Cristin: I just cut my tongue licking the lid of my yogurt.
Katie: Wow. How did you live to adulthood?
************************
Cristin: I came in third for the [...]

Peep Show

13 April 2009

Easter was yesterday. I didn’t go to mass, but I think the Risen Jesus would still be happy with how I celebrated. In short form:

I did a full-building egg hunt for my friends. Here I have helpfully drawn (pun!) your attention to Egg-Searcher Jesse and the object that has been giving him the slip for [...]

Shelf Awareness

8 April 2009

So, long story, but I might apply to go to business school part time. I know, right? What a perfect place for someone whose ideal day would be sleeping for 16 hours and reading Sarah Dessen novels/ watching A Double Shot At Love in between naps. This might be the dumbest idea I had since [...]

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