Archive for 'Trees and other things that grow in Brooklyn' Category
Cool, but rude
10 September 2011My mental timeline for how long my mother has been running the teen anger management groups for her high school is based on three things: one is that I can’t remember a time when I didn’t refer to them as The Mean Girls based on that crowning achievement in film (Movies I can’t not watch [...]
Maggie and Kyle got married but it is still all about me, fyi.
30 May 2011Maggie & Kyle got married yesterday and it was, as someone aptly noted at the cocktail hour, The Oscars of Our Friendship. For my Brooklyn crew, it doesn’t get any better than this– everyone in suits and dresses, open bar, Motown Philly on the playlist, plenty of opportunities to pretend that you are on a [...]
Nerd Oscars
19 January 2010I have a finite number of goals that I need to accomplish in children’s publishing before I can retire and rededicate my life to something like working as a professional assassin or finding a grant that will support me while I break the world record for Most Hours Logged In Excel. One of those goals [...]
I broke a rib by coughing too much
10 November 2009Did you have any idea that was, like, a thing you could do? That breaking your own rib using internal force was even humanly possible? I knew ahead of time, but only because I’m friends with Katie, she of The Most Delicate Immune System Ever Invented, who managed to break one of her own ribs [...]
footloose and bug free
19 October 2009I can’t even explain to you how beautiful my life is post-Successful Visit By Exterminators Who Are Qualified For Their Jobs. Everything looks different to me now. Coming home to that apartment and not getting inhaled by evil bugs was like that scene in The Giver where the kid sees the color red for the [...]
Thanks for ruining my metaphor, compact fluorescent lighting technology
5 October 2009Good news, someone is maybe/ probably coming tomorrow to rid my apartment of everything that’s been living there that isn’t me or my turtles. It’s been a long and interesting tango with the bedbugs and I will not be sorry to see them go. Particularly since, as bedbugs are drawn out of hiding by your [...]
Good night, sleep tight…
17 August 2009I have a friend who cites the transit strike as a main turning point in her relationship with her now-husband. I bet a lot of new yorkers have similar stories. She was living in Manhattan and he was living in Brooklyn and as the transit strike was looming a few days before Christmas in whatever-that-year-was (’05?), [...]
Best of the outbox
21 July 2009To: Cristin’s Boss From: Cristin Subject: Thursday AM (this will be the best email you get all week) ————— So, I have bedbugs. It’s the most effing disgusting thing in the world. I am insanely meticulous about cleaning my apartment and extremely picky about who gets to sleep in my bed, but apparently that was [...]
Life is a highway: 2009 edition
6 July 2009Hello, friends. I have been away from you far too long. I blame the two-headed monster of Paying Attention To My Job While I’m At Work and Paying Attention To My DVR While I’m At Home. Seriously, have you guys been watching 16 and Pregnant on MTV? Never have I felt so many of my [...]
context-free
6 May 2009Cristin: I’m still mad at you for not letting me order buffalo wings to the bridal suite on the morning of your wedding. Erin: I’m still mad at myself for that, too. ************************ Cristin: I just cut my tongue licking the lid of my yogurt. Katie: Wow. How did you live to adulthood? ************************ Cristin: [...]